Why My Child: Some Common Questions about Transgenderism, Intersexuality, Transsexuality, Crossdressing.

Why my child, why me? Why is my child different from other children?

All children are unique. All parents must learn to cope with whatever challenges are presented to them by their children. You can choose to look at this particular difference as gift. People who cross gender lines usually develop a greater understanding of people and of themselves.

Can my child be normal?

Normal is an elusive term. In our culture what is normal often depends on who makes the rules. It is our culture that declares that there are only two sexes – male and female. Furthermore, theses sexes are expected to exist within prescribed boundaries, or gender expressions. To move beyond these boundaries is considered abnormal. But the truth is, the world is not made up of only two genders expression and values. Any position along the continuum is normal. It is this rainbow of gender expression that helps make the world complete. We do not need to worry about whether our children are normal. They are normal because they are part of the continuum of what is normal.

Transgender, What does it mean when someone says a child is Transgender?

Transgender is an umbrella term coined to describe all people who in some way do not fit the usual cultural expectations of sexual identity. These would include: Intersexual, Transsexual, and Crossdressing individuals.

Intersexual, What does it mean when a child is called intersexual?

Internally describes a situation where a child is born with both sets of internal sex organs or some of each. This also includes those who cannot be identified as a boy or girl at birth based on appearance. Intersexuality is different from Transsexuality & Crossdressing.

What is the healthiest way to care for an intersexual child?

In the past, doctors did not give parents much information or allow them many choices, They felt great pressure to quickly assign a sex to the newborn baby based solely on the outward anatomical appearance. Parent were anxious for the usual easy awnser to the question, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Doctors encouraged surgery to ‘normalize’ genetalia that was not easily identified, and parents accepted the advice of the “experts”. Sadly, it has been discovered that some of these children, after growing up, are often dismayed and angry to find that they lost part of their anatomy without their consent. Furthermore, some intersexuals discover that their brains identified them to be the gender matching the parts that were removed.

Some medical professionals now properly urge patience when dealing with intersexual children. Others still feel it is more important to create an important to create an identity for a child than to allow the child to develop on his or her own. Good sense indicates that it is best to delay genital surgery at least until the child can help decide what surgical procedures, if any will be used.

Transsexual, What is Transsexuality?

A Transsexual person is a person who has the physical traits of one sex, but that person’s brain tells him/her that his/her gender does not match the identity.

Can Transsexualism happen to small children?

Transsexualism is not something you “catch” like a disease, or “fall into” because of immoral living. It seems to be there, in the womb, from the beginning. In other words, a person is born this way. Thus, many Transsexuals discover this conflict of identities at an early age (3 to 5 years old). For some few others recognition happens late in childhood, the teen years and even as adults. It all depends on how the brain was wired in the womb. The brain does not care about all other physical evidence. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence, the brain will not change it’s perception of how it feels. Transsexuals are not crazy people who think they have a physical parts they don’t have. They know what the mirror shows, and they know what others see. However, their brain insists that their physical appearance does not match the gender they feel they are.

How can I tell if my child is a Transsexual?

The only way to tell is if a child tells you that he/she feels/knows that he/she is a member of the opposite sex. Some children will hide this condition, called “Gender Identity Dysphoria”(GID) into adulthood.

If my child is a transsexual, does this mean he/she will be gay?

The answer is no. Physical (anatomy) sex, gender identification and sexual attraction develop independently of one another.

How widespread is Transsexualism among pre-teen children?

Transsexualism is not very common at any age.

How do children feel when their gender identify differs from their physical sex?

One ten year old son said “Mom, I feel like I’m in a prison.” Another said, It feels like I am at war with myself.”

Is Transsexuality the reason most children Crossdress?

No. Only a few Crossdressers are Transsexuals. For the true Transsexual, dressing in the opposite sex clothing is not crossdressing. It is the  correct & proper way dressing.

Crossdressing

Is being Transseuxal the same as being a Crossdresser?

No they are very different. Transsexuals know they are members of the opposite sex that signified by their genitals. Crossdressers do not believe they are members of the opposite sex. In fact, they are often quite happy with their sex. However one reason or another, they choosde to dress as the opposite sex, occasionally and regularly.

Do only boys crossdress or do girls also do this?

Both boys and girls crossdress. Many girls often wear boys’ clothing or boy style clothes and nothing is usually said because it is an acceptable practice. Our culture denies such freedom to a boy. Crossdressing seems to be a problem of culture, not morality. If the cultural taboo were lifted, Crossdressing would not be an issue.

Why does our deny Crossdressing to males?

Even though our cultuee boldly proclaims that both sexes are equal, they are not. Females are often considered inferior and second class. Thus, for a girl to Crossdress as a boy is to aspire to something better. However, for a boy crossdressing, it is seen as a sickness because why would a male, whose sex is number one in our culture, want to demean himself by dressing as a lower status person? Also our culture is homophobic: that is, it is terrified of Homosexuality. The erroneous conclusion is that a boy exposed to female things such as clothes or dolls will become Homosexual. The truth is that that this fear is unfounded.

What do you say to a child who Crossdresses?

One mother stated “My son is now 10 years old and still dresses up in his room.  Sometimes he sails a note down the banner before he appears. It reads “This is what I’d look like if I could be a girl!” What do I say? – ‘You look beautiful’ or ‘You did such a nice job with your hair’. Or ‘You picked a great color combination.’ I know what I would say to a daughter presenting the same outfits my son wears. Counselors suggest I say a line like ‘You look beautiful’ or ‘What is your name?’ This keeps the doors of  ommunication open. There are many reasons why children act this way. Some grow out of it. Others do not. It takes much patience to discover the truth. It is also important to allow children to express themselves. It is also important to help them understand that society has ‘rules’ and expectations about how people dress. What is OK at hom may not be acceptable at other places.

Are there ‘Non Sexual’ reasons for my child crossdressing?

One mother reported that she, upon witnessing her son’s tendency to dress as a girl, asked him if he wanted to be a female. He responded that he just liked girls’ things and wanted to design clothes for women when he grew up. This child may not have any sexual or gender problems. He may simply be acting out the gifts and interests he has discovered in fashion. They are many reasons why children act this way. Often they are simply  acting out different roles they see adults performing. Sometimes they are experimenting with different styles to find what fits them.

Sexual Reassignment Surgery

I have heard that sex reassignment surgery is often the only way of helping a transsexual. Should I consider this an option for my child?

Absolutely NOT! Surgery is only for older teenagers and adults. Professional help for children of all ages are essential. Parents should encourage their child to explore other options. Hormones may be prescribed once a child is older, but surgery should wait until a person has finished growing  and is old enough to make their own decision. Similar reasoning applies when dealing with Intersexuals. It is wise to delay any surgery, until at least the teenage years, so that the child may participate in this serious decision.

A Healthy Parental Response

In the meantime what can I do to help my transgender child?

Resist the desire to hide in the closet. Do not worry about what others may think. Listen to and support your child. Educate yourself. Be positive. Find others like you and share. Seek professional help. Pray, Rejoice in your unique calling. Love your child unconditionally!