Is My Child A Crossdresser?

Written By Karen Gross, Mitchell Gross, Tamera Sheehan

Questions asked and Awnsers offered by parents of Transgender Children

 

What is Normal? My child is Transgendered. How abnormal is he/she?  

Normal is an elusive term. It often depends on who makes the rules. Cultural standards, not reality, often decide who in or out. For example: Our culture declares that there are only two sexes – male & female. Furthermore, it insists that these sexes exist within prescribed boundaries, or expressions. To move beyond these boundaries is to be ‘weird’ or ‘abnormal’.

But the truth is, the world is not made up of only two mutually exclusive sexes. Experience and out Judaeo/Chrisitan heritage teach us that everyone on earth is a unique reflection of God and science insists that each person is a unique blending of the sexes.

It is only from a cultural point of view that some of the combinations, although good in themselves, are rejected by various groups. The rejection is based upon a narrow agenda/perceptions.

 

Transgender

What does it mean to label a child, ‘Transgender’?

Transgender is an ‘Umbrella Term’ coined to describe all people who, in some way, do not fit the usual cultural expectations of sexual identity.  These would include: Crossdressers and Intersexuals, who are considered in the pamphlet and Transsexuals who are discussed in another pamphlet.

 

Intersexuals

What does it mean to label a child an ‘Intersexual’?

‘Intersexual’ describes a person who has been born with both sets of sex organs – complete or partial, internal and/or external. It also includes those who have been born with no sex organs or organs that cannot be identified externally, at birth, as either ‘boy’ or ‘girl’.

 

What errors were made in the past?

In the past, doctors and parents felt a great pressure to ‘fix’ a baby who was born intersexual. Parents wanted the sex of the child to be certainly known. And doctors did not give the parents all the facts necessary in order for the parents to make informed choices. Thus Sexual Assignment Surgury was often quickly done on the baby.

 

What kind of problems did this later cause the child?

It has been discovered that some of the babies, after growing up, are often dismayed to find that they lost part of their anatomy as babies and without their consent.

Even sadder, some of them have discovered that their brains identify them to be a gender that matches the parts which their parents had removed. This turns the intersexual into a transsexual.

 

What is the best way to help an intersexual?

Many medical professionals now wisely urge patience. They suggest everyone waits until the Intersexual children themselves can participate in the surgery decision. This allows them to choose to live the gender that brains tell them they are.

 

Crossdressers

No, they are not the same. Transsexuals know that they are members of the opposite sex that signified by their genitals. Crossdressers are happy with their physical sex, as recognized at birth. However, for one reason or another, they find it beneficial to dress and/or act like the opposite sex, occasionally or permanently.

 

Are Crossdressers usually homosexual?

One mother reports that, after witnessing her son’s tendancy to dress as a girl, asked him if he wanted to be a female. He responded that he did not want to be a female. He just liked girls things and wanted to design clothes for women when he grew up. This child may, or may not, be heterosexual. He may be simply be acting out the gifts and interests he has discovered in himself and the world of fashion. He is much like a kid playing doctor. Most crossdressers, as adults, are heterosexual. Many marry.

 

Do only boys ‘Crossdress’ or do girls do this too?

Both boys and girls Crossdress. Girls do it everyday. They often wear boys clothes (or boy-style clothing) and usually nothing is said because it is an acceptable practice. Our culture denies this same freedom to the male.

 

Is Crossdressing a moral issue?

Crossdressing seems to be a problem of culture, not morality. Ifthe cultural taboo were lifted, Crossdressing would not be an issue.

 

Why does our culture deny Crossdressing to males?

There are many reasons and all of them are rather sad.

  1. Our culture is homophobic. That is, it is terrified of homosexuality and it erroneously concludes that males exposed to female things such as clothes or dolls will become homosexuals. The truth is this fear is totally without foundation.

  2. The inequality of sexes. Even though our culture boldly proclaims that both sexes are equal, they are not. Females are often thought of as inferior and second class. Thus, for a girl to crossdress is a to take a step upward, to something better. However, for the boy, crossdressing is seen as a sickness. For why would a male, whose sex is superior in our culture, want to demean himself by dressing like a female person of lower status? The bottom line: It threatens male privilege and superiority.  

 

What do you say to a child who Crossdresses?

One mother stated “My son is now 10 years old and still dresses up in his room.  Sometimes he sails a note down the banner before he appears. It reads “This is what I’d look like if I could be a girl!”  

What do I say? – ‘You look beautiful’ or ‘You did such a nice job with your hair’. Or ‘You picked a great color combination.’ I know what I would say to a daughter presenting the same outfits my son wears.  

Counselors suggest I say a line like ‘You look beautiful’ or ‘What is your name?’ This keeps the doors of communication open.

There are many reasons why children act this way. Some grow out of it. Others do not. It takes much patience to discover the truth.  

Conclusions  

Does this ‘difference’ mean my child is not normal?  

The fact is – NO ONE IS WEIRD! There is a continuum, or range if sexual expressions and values. Any position along the continuum is normal. It is this rainbow (variety) of sexual expression that allows each individual to be unique and the world to be complete.  

ALL OUR CHILDREN ARE NORMAL!!  

Some Resources for Parents

Menvielle, Edgardo, MD, Parenting the Gender Variant Child. A very helpful guide for parents.  

Stringer, Joann Altman, The Transsexual’s Survival Guide: To Transitioning and Beyond. A realistic and thorough guide to all the realities for transsexuals planning to transition.

Brown, Mildred L. and Rounsley, Chloe Ann, True Selves. An excellent book, written for the transsexual and his/her parents, spouses, partners and friends.